Who Will Cry When You Die

I find it crued to be 'ME' sometime... I was given this book by Rome for my birthday present. Over the weekend I have time for myself to rest, to sleep, to laze to be alone solely to myself. No one knows what am i up to. What kind of action im taking and what's been taken

I took the opportunity to think, to ponder to defeat my rationale, my normalities over things i have not done.

Be an unorthodox is one of the subtitle from the book... Strange but thats reality. People love to go with the flow and leading to the exit where the norms are but think otherwise. Of course there will be consequences but surely you know where it leads you.

My conclusion is "No one is perfect". Except them as what they are beautifully! Now im heading to my best path of life journey. Destination is not the key important issue to get best thing in life. It is what you captured along the journey as an experience and share it amongst who you are with. Jetsetting your life the way you want it to be is the best choice for now.

Sealing

Im back to hiatus. There is so many things in my head. I take it one at the time.

Yes, i complicate it, yes im trying to complement and finally to complete my conclusion. Perhaps few more month. I need time, i need a light from HIM. Every question has answers. I dont have time to portray the question, yet analyse it and conclude.

Roughly i have the skeleton but then i dont know where to start it.

Man vs. Woman Ego

Everyone of has ego... How do we manage and tame our own? Have anyone ever think of it? I do most of the time whenever i have conversation with anyone. We will then have a clear picture on what we have just communicated. Each one of us have our own way of saying, giving own views and so on...



From there evaluating what we say over what we've discussed... Not everything will come our way of course but we learn about each other. What are sensitive or not. Lately i become ME.. i triggered lots of mans ego, also boosting mine. At the end of the day i take charge of what i said. If it is good i used it if not i wont repeat the same to other people. Its not nice.

Now i learn to silent myself when im challenged but i resist in action. No words can tame me but i learn to be better each day.

You dont like that way, i use this way, u aint change i will be...

Wake up lynna

Medan 10-13th July

Early morning we are off to Medan. Upon arriving we are welcomed by Rian. We were taken to warung soto ayam for breakfast since everyone had not have a chance to have it afterall its so early.

It was a very good and delicious soto ayam for the day for everyone of us. Then we move on to Parapat in a journey of 3 hours. We stop at one place where they snacks are sold n for refreshment. And continue to our destination for lunch. The food was sumptios but its soo hot but all of them enjoying it very much after the long drive and also the zig zag road.

After lunch it was raining and the place is so cold. So we settled to our room and have coffee while taking pictures and start gossipings. I leave them with their individuality and i reach for the bed to cover my sleep last nite. It was a long day for me at work and i am settled only at 3am.

The coldness add the coziness and i dozed in deep sleep. Waking up fresh and bathe then we ready for dinner. Dinner was so so and then too tired maybe they decided to go to rooms and chit chatting while few went out to scrutinize the place.

We the market researchers will sample the food, ciggie, places of interest and things we should add into our colourful research world.

The next day after bfast we checked out and off we are to Berastagi. Another long journey to uphill and zig zagger road again. We reach certain point to have lunch, of course the hot lunch again and then for Teh Bandrek (teh halia + gula merah + pepper and goreng pisang) in a highland restaurant where the breeze and the coldness envelope us. The TEh Bandrek do warm us actually. But another long journey and trapped in the jam with darkness is not really me to capture.

My body start aching, my head start spinning n roller coasting. By the time we reach Grand Mutiara i am almost like kangkung goreng. We had dinner, bathe and they decided to go for Karaoke.

With the golden girls Karaoke was really fun and laughter was part of the lyrics. We parted at 2.30am their time and wake early to check out to Medan. There is so much of protest about having good Hotel but less time to spent on the cosy bed.

Next destination was the Sipisopiso Waterfall. Its 2 hours journey from the hotel and then another hour to Medan town before we reach our next hotel.

We were taken to Batik place and lunch was nice after all the hot minangkabau food the Chinese cuisine was really good for all of us. We reach JW Marriot at about 3pm. Some of them opted for massage but for me n my roomate staying comfy in the luxury room was heaven after a long day of journey.

My head is really bursting that even soaking in the hot bathtub dont really help much. We had dinner in another hotel and discussing plans for the last day in Medan.

We woke up late the next day and enjoy our very first decent breakfast in the just 5 months old 5 star hotel in Medan. The spread was good from the continental to western and Japanese was amongst the famous to researchers.

When comes to luxury holidays n fine dinings they who have tasted from the normal to the best will opt for the best as always but nonetheless we will still do sampling when necessary arise.

Ill upload some pictures when its ready
5.55pm 14/07/09

My Possession

This are the things i love to collect, beside handbags, coins, stamps...

The Lingering Eyes

I had him in my dreams yesterday. Trying to explain what had happen. Before everything could end off it was cut short by awakening to reality.

Sign of letting go. I have found the sincerity and the new humility of life. He will remains in the precious moment profile.

He may come to my dreams again but no need to explains as its not needed. Let the manipulations works on everywhere but not me. Let alone who i want to be, what i am going to do.

You have been a good fren, listener, advisor. I'll keep em in the box of memories now

Melody of Life Drama

I feel lost and numb ever since it hit me. I never want to do this but at force I am taking an action of what I wanted. Now I have a junction of what some people love and hate. I am taking a risk, yes, undeniably.

If once I had just refused myself but then now I am not willing to. Perhaps, I will fall, perhaps I will get the peace of mind, or perhaps I will be left alone again.

But then I have the chance, the opportunity to be love, desired and crave for. Was it wrong? I don’t want to think about it.

Triangle love?? No, it was not. Its many and I keep it flowing. How do I manage it? I don’t know. Let it be as it is. I am not going to rush anyone but if they take the bait and act on it that will be a bonus.

From what I see it wont be in the near future. It may take years again. But then I am the one who initiate it, the consequences will be mine then.

I can see how frustrated one can be when shelter are shared but they are like not knowing each other, not addressing each other neither being appreciated. Somehow the fierce me had made him talked and shared what had happened.

Finally the hearts are not made of stone. Time will tell and time will tame the symphony according to the melody of life drama.

Would I be getting what I want? Answers that could only be answered by me…
16th June 2009
12.09

The other half

There’ s three but none at least come with expectation.

Expectation would make one look highly on others but can we come up to it if we are there. Do not ask for anyone to change but look at yourself.

If the change is needed then start it with yourself first. What I am doing now is changing the lane and the path that I had once upon a time.

Being loyal as friend, as lover and the obliging partner was never doing good to me. I was taken a ride and advantage for sort of it. I was just listening, hardly taking any point and also just pass if there is something not right.

I never dealt with it the way I want it. I was just merely following suits. Now I am slowly taking the courage of speaking whom I want to be and I know I would loose certain people somehow. But then if its worth it shouldn't matters any longer.

Do as I may, follow if I should. I am better now...

19th June 2009
12.20

Complicate, Complement and Complete

Indeed what I am thru now is difficult but if I don't so it I will not have the answer why it should be that way.

At the same time on changing lane , I am trying the whole new experience of being in a junction. As much as I know I don't answer to any of them as they can’t make their own decision. Why should i???

In order to get an answer I have to drift into another path which leads me to honesty, sincerity and a gentleman. Yes, he cant fulfill, yes he wants me but its better to tell me rather to give me a hope in which he can’t grant it.

Yes, perhaps being in denial always make us make a wrong choice. We take the flow but alerting each other that direction was not a destination to where we suppose to be. We in short enjoying the companion but hate to accept whats next.

I am not going to loose another friend again. I will be putting the feelings aside not wanting to loose what I have experienced once before. Even this time without a second or third party.

In short I will be separating my mental needs and my feeling to total separation of needing a best companion for a very very long time. I know I complicate to complement in order to complete the imperfections of life needs.

No one will dictate what you want in life except you. So life is always about a choice in order to achieve your own destinations.

28th June 2009
1.11am

Life Goes On

Shame on you if you fooled me once,
Shame on me if you fooled me twice
Youve been a pretty hard case to crack
I shouldve known better but I didnt and I cant go back

Oooh, life goes on, and its only gonna make me strong
Its a fact, once you get on board say goodbye cuz you cant go back
Oooh, its a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where Im at, is my life before me, got this feeling that I cant go back

Reunion 2 -30th May 2009

Finally reunion 2 successfully done on Saturday 30th May.
Participants consisting Nona, Teh, Aniza, Suraya, Azlita, Radiah, Noorin, Azura, Azlinda, Lili Norsharira, Noranita, Zaililah, Azah, Roslina, Azizah and me.

Later, after i left Nani, Lin, Suria and the rest come till nite.

I have to leave by 5.30pm as i had 730pm flite to catch to Singapore.

All in all every one was happy. It was a pickup point centre in Petronas, Tesco Ampang where 5 cars following to 36, Jalan Wangsa Murni 3,Wangsa Melawati.

I am glad that i had make this event a yearly event for myself to keep up.

Im sure loads to come. Im enthralled by it.

See you again soon.